Blog 9 Inner Life (Gary) page 1
(Note No Blog Last Week due to 46th Anniversary)
I read in one of my favorite books a passage that pretty much defines me not as a therapist who is a human being, but a human being who happens to be a therapist. “Patients are often disappointed to learn that I too wander unredeemed, that I am no better off than they are. Eventually, the may realize comfort implied in my turning out to be just another struggling human being” (Kopp, 1972, pp. 8-9). I have found that surrendering the ego most often provides a safe place for my patients to do their deepest work. Again no shame, no judgement. We are here to learn and let us learn together as mere mortals. My groups are an excellent example. Strong bonds are created out of men trusting each other to speak their unabashed truth. Change happens out of the risk to expose our humanity and we thrive from the depth of our connection with each other. We always complete our meeting feeling more energized than when we started.
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Blog 8 The Ground we walk on.
We take safety for granted and rarely look down when we walk. However when you walk “The Hill” or any trail, with a sense of presence you pay attention to more than the ground. If you don’t at some point you are libel to hurt yourself, missing that big rock, a ledge or that slippery spot in the gravel. However today I am not talking about safety I am talking about being present to beauty in nature. It’s the very reason I keep my senses open and don’t chose to ride a mountain bike. I don’t want to miss anything. I don’t want to miss the red tail hawk feather, the wildflowers seen up close in the detail of their beauty, the fox, coyote, bob cat or a soaring predator. Even the spam can has meaning in it’s history of having been left by a hunter probably well over 50 years ago.
I talk to animals when I see them and I am rewarded by close up shots of fox and bobcat that I have included in the book. When I talk to them they most always stop, look and listen providing me with a close up invaluable relational experience. I am totally present to them and they are totally present to me..
It makes my life more meaningful to know these many levels of beauty and connection exist. I once assumed coyotes were simply gray scrubby animals until one ran directly at me and I saw the beauty of his fur in the sun. I was forced to notice his, gray, orange and white fur up close. It was a huge rush. It was much less about fear and more about astonishment. Witnessing his energy as he ran directly toward me and then vanishing right before my eyes. “Where in the….did he go?” These experiences enrich my life, allow me to be more present to myself and others and add meaning. to what many would consider out of nothingness.
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Blog 7
This book could not have been written without trauma. It was a motivator for me. The darkness of abandonment in childhood and war became a committed phenomenological study for me.
There is a culture of fear that perpetuates trauma when we can’t talk about it. Rather we find ways to deny, medicate and obfuscate the pain. I committed to study it so as not to become it.
The blessing of abandonment for me was the time for observation and introspection. The blessing of the military was the discipline to attack and pursue a better path than my ancestors. Eventually hurt turned to anger and a drive to do better than they. I went from thought to action. My college courses and working with people of all ages helped me understand and give meaning to people’s suffering. I was committed to have my life be different.
Part of our hikes included revisiting our histories of painful events. Having a safe place and person to share story and feelings is an incredible asset to the nervous system. I can’t encourage you enough to create safe places. The three men’s groups I currently run, my personal men’s group, my time on the mountain, and of course my family are all part of my sacred safe circle and invaluable.
Dare to dream a different dream. Walk with Us.
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Trauma
Blog 6
Challenges 8/4/23
Sometimes it’s a weather system. We have faced the fog, pouring rain, freezing cold, and extreme heat. We welcome a challenge like two men who hunger for a test of our body mind and soul. Sometimes the challenge is to “just be” in the face of an aching body, or clouded mind. There is an occasional “I just don’t want to today”. That was rare as we knew that would likely be a let down to our buddy. We had a strong pattern of three or more hikes a week. After many years and hundreds of miles of hikes it became our sacred mission to persist. It was an honorable mission and I have to say less and and less of a challenge. The path had been carved. Just follow it.
I have found myself with health challenges this year and Mark is not here. I had major hand surgery and shorty after came down with RSV. My lungs would not provide the air I needed to get me up to the trail. When I was able to hike I was only able to go half the distance. It has been extremely challenging mentally and physically. Many fits and starts.
I have persisted as best I can without Mark’s presence. Actually I have to correct myself as even though he has moved to the East Coast his spirit is with me every time I hike. I can’t say it’s a challenge without him. I am grateful to have had this lengthy shared experience and feeling he is with me in spirit every time I hike. I will always be greatful for our “accidental transformation”.
Yesterday I made the whole distance to our tree and back. It was an especially good day.
AHO!
Gary
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SAFETY Blog 5
SAFETY
Safety is a key element of our walks. Not in the way you might imagine. Sure we wear our day packs with the first aid kit, swiss army knife, sting kill, and our specialized gear depending on the weather and season. It’s about 15 lbs. worth of stuff. It’s just smart to be prepared. We have our di rigor gear etc. etc. and of course some of our gear is competitive to each other just for fun.
The safety is about being free of shame or judgement. Challenging ourselves and each other’s ideas from an open-hearted perspective is rich. It’s the essence of what make’s my 40+ years of men’s work successful. The first words men use in describing their group is “a safe place”.
The Hill provides a natural format beyond “the room”. The energy is much less contained. There is a freedom to express, risk and challenge. Since publication of our book my Wednesday group meets in a natural setting or hikes together as they now know the value of “The Hill The Art of Accidental Transformation”.
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SAFETY
Safety is a key element of our walks. Not in the way you might imagine. Sure we wear our day packs with the first aid kit, swiss army knife, sting kill, and our specialized gear depending on the weather and season. It’s about 15 lbs. worth of stuff. It’s just smart to be prepared. We have our di rigor gear etc. etc. and of course some of our gear is competitive to each other just for fun.
The safety is about being free of shame or judgement. Challenging ourselves and each other’s ideas from an open-hearted perspective is rich. It’s the essence of what make’s my 40+ years of men’s work successful. The first words men use in describing their group is “a safe place”.
The Hill provides a natural format beyond “the room”. The energy is much less contained. There is a freedom to express, risk and challenge. Since publication of our book my Wednesday group meets in a natural setting or hikes together as they now know the value of “The Hill The Art of Accidental Transformation”.
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Blog Post Title One
It all begins with an idea.
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.
Blog 2 Gary
My walk began with a desire to re-create the childhood adventures I had had with my buddies walking old logging roads in the little logging town of Coos Bay Oregon. After living in Los Gatos California for many years I was driven to find a location to repeat my childhood experience. I was directed by a neighbor to a steep road and finally a gate to a trail. My initial fantasy was to walk up this steep road and walk the trail to the top where I could hike for miles along a relatively flat ridge line. My fantasy was quickly dispelled as I found the trail only stalled on the up in a couple places and then quickly elevated. I now had my adventure and all the cardio exercise I could ever desire. I kicked myself a bit for not having found this trail sooner in life as I was now in my late 50s. However I was soon back on the trail and walking with the adventurous spirit in which I had walked in Coos Bay.
A few years passed and though I loved hiking the trail alone I had the desire to share the experience. I was blessed by Mark’s desire for knowledge and the trail became the ground for the depth of our transformative walk. I will never forget introducing Mark to the road and finally the gate and his startled response to the steepness of only arriving at the entrance: “this is where it STARTS?”
This is where it starts. As you walk with us we hope it brings up your own desire and spirit for adventure and transformation.
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Blog 2 Gary
Blog Post Three
It all begins with an idea.
TRANSFORMATON
My life is committed to transformation. It’s was originally motivated due to the emptiness of my childhood. The benefit of spending so much time alone as a child created an awareness and hunger to understand life most would never know nor chose. The emptiness seemed to follow me until I began working on my Master’s Degree at age 35. It was during this time that I received a pointed message from my professor (Note: see Morgan Yamanaka MSW) His simple truth became a guiding force for all I do in my life and most especially in my private practice. In the quiet of writing this I just had that realization reinforced. Once again I find gratitude for my ability to be present and thus be able to hear an echo from the past. I appreciate him for his kick in the ass. When a man speaks his truth (especially an elder man) from the heart it can be a strong catalyst for transformation. I offer my truths throughout as a desire to inspire your transformative process.
I will describe much of the pain and the gifts as you read the book. I find that much wisdom comes to me in the quiet of my or our walks. Sometimes I will comment to myself “why didn’t I think of that before”. An awareness that only came to me due to the quiet. That is why I hope you take time to be still as you walk the trail with us. Silicon Valley where I live seems to have no tolerance for quiet. May you read our book in the quiet and allow the possibilities of sudden awareness speak to you
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Blog Post Four -No Father No Mother - The Gift
It all begins with an idea.
No Father No Mother – The Gift
7/21/23
I was probably four years old when my father died. I distinctly remember my mother standing in our little apartment kitchen crying and standoffish telling me that I didn’t understand and that my father was dead. The message was clear. I can’t be here for you.
I don’t believe it was long after that she told me I couldn’t keep playing inside and had to go out. I was told to go make friends but not leave the block.
I began to wander around the front of our apartment building and feeling puzzled as to what I was supposed to do. An older boy came along one day with another boy. He said there was going to be a fight and we should be prepared. He gave each of us a gift. The fighters never appeared and I never saw the boys again.
Something happened for me in that brief encounter. I felt a sense of hope that maybe I didn’t have to live in this void. Maybe I belonged to something and I didn’t have to feel alone. Maybe this is what my mother wanted. Meeting those boys had a lasting impression. It was like something magic happened out of nowhere. It was a launching point of sorts, perhaps an early initiation.
Yes I wanted for a mother and father but this was a powerful feeling of belonging. I was determined to seek more of it. I call it spontaneous connection. I was so hungry for connection it was natural for me to approach others with an open heart. I hadn’t learned any reason not to.
To this day I seek spontaneous connections.
I find a sense of pleasure and magic connecting with strangers. The trail is no exception. Nature provides a sort magical venue. I have met business execs, operating room nurses, musicians, teachers, mental health workers, neighbors etc. I gather their stories and feel the sense of belonging. The value is far beyond Mark and I.
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