Blog Post Four -No Father No Mother - The Gift

No Father No Mother – The Gift

7/21/23

I was probably four years old when my father died. I distinctly remember my mother standing in our little apartment kitchen crying and standoffish telling me that I didn’t understand and that my father was dead. The message was clear. I can’t be here for you.

I don’t believe it was long after that she told me I couldn’t keep playing inside and had to go out. I was told to go make friends but not leave the block.

I began to wander around the front of our apartment building and feeling puzzled as to what I was supposed to do. An older boy came along one day with another boy. He said there was going to be a fight and we should be prepared. He gave each of us a gift. The fighters never appeared and I never saw the boys again.

Something happened for me in that brief encounter. I felt a sense of hope that maybe I didn’t have to live in this void.  Maybe I belonged to something and I didn’t have to feel alone. Maybe this is what my mother wanted. Meeting those boys had a lasting impression. It was like something magic happened out of nowhere. It was a launching point of sorts, perhaps an early initiation.

Yes I wanted for a mother and father but this was a powerful feeling of belonging. I was determined to seek more of it. I call it spontaneous connection. I was so hungry for connection it was natural for me to approach others with an open heart. I hadn’t learned any reason not to.

To this day I seek spontaneous connections.

I find a sense of pleasure and magic connecting with strangers. The trail is no exception. Nature provides a sort magical venue. I have met business execs, operating room nurses, musicians, teachers, mental health workers, neighbors etc. I gather their stories and feel the sense of belonging. The value is far beyond Mark and I.

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