Blog 53 Men of Fire (Gary)

At this moment I am sitting on a hilltop waiting for my Men of Fire group to arrive, a heart centered group of men that I have led for eighteen years.  I have a slight ache in my side (still trying to cleanse my liver) but I am comfortable in my inflated camp chair, sitting atop a slight mound of gravel and moss between two large oaks, with a view down into dry grasses and a forest of mostly pine.

            Ah, smell the clean air.  Life is good.  I don't need no stinkin’ fantasies.  I am HERE, and my wife says I am important.  How about that!  I have actually prided myself on being unimportant.  I have to laugh a little.  Somehow that is a funny part of my journey, another piece of the past that no longer serves me.  I choose to let it go and accept (perhaps) that someone really loves me and thinks I am important.  Okay, so I am still absorbing that possibility.  Big inhale.  It's good to be important to someone.  I just don't want it to go to my head.  I've had practice at this so I think I am good.  I wish I could smoke a cigar here and maybe have a glass of champagne, a little celebration of self.  Why not?  No fires or smoking, high fire danger.  Darn, I had to bring that up.  Maybe in another place like this soon.  That would be good, HO!  I don't know why it was so fun writing this today, but it was.

            I've been reflecting, and I've come to see the trail as no longer dirt and stone, but ironically as a mirror, flattening my illusions and countering my false beliefs. 

            Find ways to practice experiencing and, even better, seeing and feeling.  It has been a big part of finding my way home.

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