Blog 77 Connection (Gary)

            I walked The Hill this morning alone.  Alone is good sometimes.  There is that paradox of being alone, and yet never really being alone.  I feel the truth is that we are never alone.  It just feels that way sometimes.  I know I feel freer when I am by myself.  That is when there is no one physically present, yet we are always connected to someone.  If I have a conversation with anyone, I feel connection. 

            Connection: interesting word.  I feel that there is always a connection going on.  People remember you, think about you, or reflect on the things you have said and done.  You would have to be pretty isolated to not be connected.

            Writing is now more passive than active.  I made a commitment to write for two hours a week thinking that meant pen on paper.  Now I realize it's more of a revealing, meditative state that precedes the pen moving to paper.  I cannot “fix” a book as a man would fix most things.

Notice not

the applause you receive

but rather

the sound and feel of the footsteps

beside and behind you.


          So, another day of discovery.  Have I walked?  No.  But the motion is set.  Walking is more the catalyst, or perhaps the oil that lubricates the imagination and the mechanism of feeling.  But of course, it's the endorphins.  Another way of being here now.  Everything points toward calming.  Now every time a car fantasy comes up I ask myself, “How do you feel right now, and is it not good or okay to just be here?”  I am finding that I am comfortable and I don't need anything.  I pause in this moment and enjoy the truth of that.  Can I just be okay the way I am?  It feels like I can.  Now comes the work to maintain this. 


          A suggestion might be that I need a vacation, that a time to be quiet with myself could become a choice.  A vacation is different from a desire to fill an empty space.  I need to schedule vacations, and for the right reasons.  Maybe I don't need to keep looking for magic.  It seems the world, the universe, my body—even my clients—have conspired to get me to be still.  And it's not so bad.

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